Lil’ Man is Growing Up

Lil’ Man got the flu.   That means Wifey gets to play hooky this week.  While Lil’ Man is acting a little pathetic today, he Ferris Buellered the shit out of Wifey.

She and Lil’ Man are getting ready to take a nap in our bed.  The love of my life decides that it would be a good idea for Lil’ Man to get me sick by telling him to sleep on my side of the bed (I just can imagine all those flu viruses taking refuge in my pillow).

He was having none of that.  He may be sick, but Lil’ Man still was sharp.  He kept trying to get on her side, but she kept blocking him.  Then, he found his opportunity – “Softie” his dirty, saliva stained bundle of softness was lying on the floor – just out of Wifey’s reach.

So Lil’ Man, the chip off the ole block that he is, asked for Softie in only that doe eyed way every 2 year old suffering from flu can pull off.  Wifey’s bullshit meter was already in nap mode so she got up to get it for him.

Bam!  It happened that quick – Lil’ Man slid over and claimed the side of the bed he wanted.

I couldn’t have done it better myself.  I was so proud today.

Having Kids Really Hampers and Encourages Drinking

This morning, I read a great post from Dad Gone Mad. Danny Evans spent his morning-after recovery doing arts and crafts at Sunday school. I feel for the guy (although that’s what he gets for sending his kids to Sunday school).

As all parents know, drinking is a vital component of child-rearing. Drinking was probably involved when you first met your spouse (p.c. – other biological parent of your offspring). If your kid(s) were not the result of a drunken one night stand (or weekend drug fueled orgy), you and your partner probably needed alcohol to motivate the other to forgo sleep for another round of routine sex after a long day.

Once you have the little rugrats, you need to drink just to calm down at the end of the night (why do you think wet bars are so popular in the suburbs? It ain’t for the guests.) Of course, when the little shits wake you up at 7, 6, or if you are really lucky 5, the next morning, you regret that last drink.

I just can’t wait until Lil’ Man is 16 – hello designated driver!

Heck, Busey Would Give Anyone the Creeps

According to cnn.com, Gary Busey creeped out Jennifer Garner at the Oscars. Shocking! Take a look at the guy. He looks like he took a Botox shot to half his face and got shitty dentures. I’d crap my pants if grabbed me from behind. He’s lucky Garner didn’t mace his ass.

Bad Parenting of the Day

(disclaimer – I’m a lawyer, but not a litigator)  Personal injury attorneys are the pond scum of our profession.  Attorney Alan Barry of Connecticut is the King Bottomfeeder of the Day.   Why?  I’m glad you asked.

Mr. Barry is representing Vinicios Robacher.  A fine and attentive scholar from Danbury, CT.  Master Robacher, 15, is suing the city of Danbury, CT for “very severe injuries to his left eardrum” because his teacher woke him up while he was sleeping in class!!   See the article here and here.  This spoiled rotten punk has huge fucking balls.  

So what does this have to do with his parents?  They created this fucking little monster.  What parent in their right mind would allow their kid to sue their city/school/teacher because the kid was sleeping in class?  I’d understand if the kid was molested by a teacher (and it better be a male teacher and not a hot chick) or shot by a janitor going postal.  Your kid was sleeping and got caught.  If he was playing hooky and got hit by a car when he jumped the school fence and broke his ankle, I’d bet the school be at fault too!  You all did a great job raising young Vinicios.  I’d recommend you pat yourselves on the back, but I’m afraid you’d sue me for pulling a muscle.

Today is My Birthday

I’m old. I mean damn, I’m 32. I’ve got a job, a wife, 2 kids, a mortgage payment, grey hair and now a fuckin’ minivan! What’s worse is I drove the thing to work today to pick up a nice table for my house! Fuck! What the hell happened to me!

If Wifey doesn’t get down on her knees and thank me in that way a wife does once a year (instead of once a day before she got the ice), I think I am going to cry. That’s right a grown man will cry. Cause you know what nothing goes my way.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I mean I should not have

• tight clothes,
• a receding hair line or an expanding waist line,
• to watch HGTV,
• to be active in the community,
• responsibilities,
• the music I listened to in my early teens end up on a classic rock station,
• not be able to play video games whenever I want,
• go furniture shopping,
• friends who frown on drinking before 5 (or noon for that matter),
• to beg Wifey for a hummer or any action, or
• own a motherfucking minivan!

That’s it. I’m going home and flog the bishop before heading out to watch a movie (which I get to pick) and then go home drink and play some video games (and maybe flog the bishop again cause that’s the only action I get).

John McCain is Fredo Corleone

Is it me or does McCain look like he just received the kiss of death from the Godfather?