Loser! Liar! Take Your Pick

To quote the glorious Jon Stewart – Fuck you!

Glad this lying sack of shit is gone.

Honey, is your girlfriend pregnant?

Normally, when these words are spoken by a wife most guys would think “Oh shit, how did she find out?” That is exactly what Wifey asked me this morning as I am getting dressed for work. I nearly hung myself with my tie. Then I realized I was watching Robin Meade on TV.

Through some weird alignment of the stars and planets, I was able to watch Robin Meade this morning. Lil’ Man and Wifey weren’t busting my balls about watching my morning girl. Oh Robin, how much we love you.

Anyway, Wifey said she looks great but she looks a little fuller in the face. She said she doesn’t look fat, but pregnant. I’m thinking, she looks freakin’ awesome, but of course wouldn’t say that to Wifey. I started thinking about my earlier post, it got me thinking (re: are her guns getting bigger), did Robin finally get knocked up? I know one thing for sure, if I was the guy who got her pregnant, I’d own up to that with pride!

Help, I’m Losing my Manhood

Help, I’ve begun the slow process of becoming nothing more than my old man – you know bring home the bacon, have no say in what you wear, and never getting laid.

Wifey’s lease on her Honda Accord (ooh so exciting!). She’s decided that she must have a mini-van. We have kids, so we absolutely have to have one. So last weekend, we went minivan shopping. Oh the humanity.

Every mile of the test drives (yes – there was more than one), I slowly felt testosterone draining from my body. After the second drive, I ran to the men’s room to make sure my balls were still attached – they were, but just barely! To make matters worse, the other guy in the rest room thought I had my hands down there a little too long if you know what I mean – two shakes is all it should take, any more and you might get mistaken for this guy.

After we left the dealer, I was tempted to take a Hummer for a test drive – and not that pussy H3 crap. Instead, I poured a scotch, lit up a Fuente, and “read” Playboy at 3 in the afternoon (on the patio of course cause I can’t bring that shit into the house).

A Little Bit More Robin Meade

Ok, she’s the hottest thing on the air. It’s not just her looks – although she is the HOTTEST THING ON THE AIR – this chick has intelligence, personality, talent, class, and humor. I think every red-blooded American male (and some of the ladies too!) would love to meet her (of course only those who are single). I say this despite her being a Buckeye (Go Gators!).

When I am able to get the TV on in the morning (not fighting Wifey for the local news to get a weather update or Lil’ Man who wants Sprout – I hate Teletubbies!), I get my Robin fix of the day! Lately though, I’ve noticed that my TV Girlfriend has been showing a little more cleave if you know what I mean. I don’t have those pics yet, but check these out. and these. and these. and these…

Thanks Robin – We love you!!!

A special shout out to AnchorBabes for the great picture!

Muslim Science Theater 4000

Honestly, his esteemed colleague currently residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue could easily make the same mistake. I mean come on man, you don’t have anyone with the stones to tell you that 3-D glasses are only needed for watching movies?

You’d think there’d be one guy (’cause women don’t speak to men in Iran) that would say “Uh, Mr. President, you don’t need the glasses.”

The rest of the conversation would go something ike this. “I don’t think those are subwoofers Mr. President. Yes, DTS is far superior to Dolby Digital. I do feel the rumble of the engines, but I don’t think Velodynes have that much power sir.”